DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
