youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
