Moan for me like Helen Keller
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
