God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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