lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ttyl tear gas
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
