I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
