I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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