I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm too high and old for this...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
