you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Couch. On fire.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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