The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
