I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
