he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
