google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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