marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
