He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize