went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
only you would photoshop your dick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
