My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
