nutella sex= disaster
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
