I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
