I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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