my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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