she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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