your room smells of hookers.
And success
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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