super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
