shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
