he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
