Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize