hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
