Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
