The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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