somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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