Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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