I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
