you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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