If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
