just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My liver is preforming stress tests.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
