everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
