I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
