I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
