Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
