we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
