I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
