I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
