he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
