Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
40s are totally the cure
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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