I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
