I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
