My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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