Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
