Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
