2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
