Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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