I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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