What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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