Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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