i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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