i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
