just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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