fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
