Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
