Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
