he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
