You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
