I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
