Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
