wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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