Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
