tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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