We won't sleep together?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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