i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
