Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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