And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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