Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
