They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize