goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
