She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize