I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
