if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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