It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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