Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize