My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
