i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
