You really coming over, don't trick.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
