dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
