is your mom at the bar?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
