On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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