this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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