And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
