I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
