im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
