he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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