I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
