Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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