Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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