i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
