Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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