you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
